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If I went on a date with a boy, and I didn’t ‘put out,’ at least a little something, I would never see the boy again. Even the two boys I did go out with on a more regular basis were always pawing and groping at me, and they lost interest in me when I didn’t ‘put out’ as often or as much as they wanted me to. As insecure as I was, I wasn’t needy, and I didn’t want to engage in sex just so some guy would notice me or stay with me. I have to admit that I didn’t escape high school as a virgin, but sex the way I remember it then was brief, awkward, and not very pleasant. My few naïve and more often than not unsuccessful attempts at making love usually resulted from a strange sense of obligation on my part. Everyone needs to feel wanted. To the extent I knew I was being used, I have forgiven myself. A girl needs a date now and then, especially in high school. But knowing I was being used certainly didn’t help with the way I felt about myself. The change in my perception of myself came. You don't know why you bother coming to these, and half the time you aren't even sure why you're friends with these people. After a drink or two, all they do is tease you. You're the virgin, you never get nailed, you never cut loose, hell - you probably don't even like boys! Maybe you're a lesbian. You don't let it bother you though. You pride yourself on not being the friend with the likelihood of a fungus growing out of your vagina. And at least they are still paying attention to you, so they can't be all that bad.You shouldn't have worried this time, though. It seemed that the moment you entered the house, they vanished almost instantly. You actually find yourself disoriented from the sudden lack of friends. Sighing, you find yourself questioning your friendship with these people again, and begin to wander around aimlessly. Subconsciously, you find yourself scanning the crowd, looking for a corner or a couch or something you can just sit and not be bothered. Preferably with a cat,.
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